I've wondered what I should write for my second blog post on this journey to do hard things. I've had so many ideas swirling around in my brain but just to be able to take a moment and get them down on paper in some kind of meaningful notation is the challenge. I don't like fessing up. It's a hard thing for me, but I faced a challenge yesterday that showed one of the most difficult things in life- at least for me. That is character defect. I don't like being found "in the wrong" or "at fault"- definitely a pride issue. The thing hit pretty deep yesterday as I didn't want to be "wrong", didn't want to admit I was "wrong", and didn't want others to think I might have been "wrong". After mulling over it for quite a long time (oooh, like two hours) I realized a much bigger problem lay under this little thing that I was so ready to defend. I had a heart problem. "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."
What do you do when you realize you've done wrong? What do you when you feel like everybody knows when you've "messed up"? What do you do when you have to say, "I'm sorry"?
These are hard questions. Why? because they dig deep into the heart.
Prayer Meeting last night was excellent-just what I need to hear. We've listened to the Ivor Myers series about the art of spiritual warfare. Every message inspires, but for some reason the DVD player wouldn't play any of the sermons except the last one which dealt especially with 'our warfare stance'. Pastor Ivor paralleled our spiritual warfare with that of other types of fighters. Stance is very important to most fighters because without a good stance they are easy prey to the enemy. They are "Push-overs", and that is all it really takes to bring down someone who does not have the right stance. Just push them over (hint: plz. don't try it). So, what is the correct stance? According to Ivor, it is low with the knees bent.
Did you see that, LOW with the knees BENT!
Jesus say, "Come unto me for I am meek and LOWly in heart."
Oh to be more like Jesus! To be willing to come low, to spend more time with our knees bent in prayer. I believe that if we were to pray more we would become more humble.
This is what I dealt with yesterday-the hardest of hard things- coming face to face with pride and self! No, this is not the first time I have met or surrendered them and I have heard that it is the work of a lifetime, but I have chosen to spend more time "low' on my knees in prayer and study of the life of Christ. I pray, Lord help me to learn to be more humble. Help me to learn to do these most important hard things!