I remember praying- 15 years old-about what to do with my life. Why I felt such a burden to know then? I don't know.
But He answered.
be honest, I wasn't the most pleased with the answer, not then. In
fact, nursing was the one thing I had told everyone I would not do.
as this journey continues, as God's plan unfolds, I recognize how
much better God knows me than I know myself, how He brings into my life only that which bring true joy.
I love this journey.
tell you how exciting it is for me to be wearing whites. I never knew
that I would fall in love with this training, this work, this life so
completely- only God knew.
Even these hard days- these
first few days of clinicals- when, like I wrote in one of my clinical journals, "I feel like crying but I choose to laugh", when I make mistakes, when I can't find
anything, remember anything, and I realize how great my need of wisdom really is, these days make me more determined than ever
to be the best nurse that I can possibly be. Lord, help me.
I love my teachers. One is a fabulous nurse and professor turned friend who teaches, guides, and who'll look at me and say, "Vanessa?!..." . One is a dear little grandma. One is a dedicated Christian man with a progressive paralyzing disease in his body. One is a girl down the hall in the same nursing home who has survived a terrible accident. These are my teachers. I pray that I can give to them all that they are giving me.
It's Sunday today. I'm not doing clinicals. I've been at the hospital all day though. I'm only his sister for about three days, but in those three days he's made up a pretty good chunk of my world. Beady blue eyes looking at me, trusting me. He's hooked up to monitors and an IV. Tiny. Vulnerable. Precious. What does life hold for baby boy? As I stroke his little forehead, I pray.
Being big sister for baby boy is actually a great opportunity for me. I ask questions- lots of questions. I put pieces of A&P homework together. I love this. I love this.
I realize it again as I walk out to the car to go home for the night.
I want to be a nurse. I do. I really do.